23 Jul 16

He won’t drop the divorce even though we’re seeing a counselor.

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When a spouse asks for a divorce, it can be a devastating time in both their lives. Taking the first step towards a divorce can be scary and uncertain as well. Often, couples will agree to counseling before they take the final step of the divorce itself. What do you do when he won’t drop the divorce during counseling?

Take the Time

It can take a long time to get a divorce. Between paperwork and motions, a divorce can take anywhere from a few months to a year of your time. While the divorce progresses, you can take advantage of weekly counseling to see if the divorce is necessary. If it is, you won’t have wasted any time or money in the process.

During this time, you could see a counselor on your own without your husband or wife. It might help you focus on yourself. It’ll be helpful to find out whether you’re holding on to a marriage that it might be better to drop. A divorce can be devastating to a person’s confidence, which counseling can rebuild.

Ask for a Postponement

In some cases, you can ask the judge for a postponement. The court doesn’t want to waste its time on a proceeding when the couple is still trying to work things out themselves. The judge can’t normally demand a couple attend counseling, but he can send you to mediation to see if the problems in the marriage can be fixed without the court’s involvement.

Your husband might not want to stop the divorce, but he can certainly ask for it to be postponed too. He might still be on the fence about the divorce if he’s seeking counseling with you. See if he’ll ask the court to postpone the proceedings.

Talk to Your Lawyer

Lawyers don’t want to waste their time on pleadings and motions for a divorce that won’t happen. If you talk to your lawyer, he may be able to convince the other lawyer to talk to his client. Your lawyer can threaten to make the entire process difficult unless your husband postpones the filing of the divorce.

You might be able to get your husband to agree to a trial separation while you attend counseling together. It’s a good sign that he’ll attend counseling without being forced.

Contest the Divorce

In some states, you can contest the divorce. If you live in a state without fault grounds for divorce, you don’t have any way to stop the divorce. In a state with fault grounds, you can challenge the grounds for the divorce itself.

Unfortunately, many spouses who challenge the grounds for divorce will lose, but it’s worth a try. The judge may see that you’re in counseling and decide to postpone the divorce while you’re working on the marriage.

Divorce is always a difficult topic, but the fact that he is in counseling with you to save the marriage is a good sign. While he might not want to stop the divorce proceedings, he might be willing to postpone the process or turn it into a trial separation.

After counseling, you might decide that you’re better off divorced. Make sure to speak to your lawyer about options you might have before taking the final steps to divorce.

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