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What if He’s Threatening to Throw my Stuff Away?

August 22, 2016 Our Blog

Last Updated on: 24th June 2025, 08:07 pm

Can a Spouse Legally Throw Away Your Belongings During Divorce? Understanding Your Property Rights

A divorce may not always be a completely amicable affair because it is an emotional experience for both parties. Perhaps, this is one reason why your future ex might try to threaten or intimidate you by stating that he intends to throw away your belongings.

The short answer is that he is not legally allowed to do something like this to your personal property. Your soon-to-be ex may be held accountable for any loss that you suffer before the divorce is settled. Courts recognize two different types of property during property division proceedings – marital property and separate property.

People have the fundamental right to keep what they own under state laws. This is true even if they are living with someone else as a married couple. Even if there’s an ongoing separation, this does not give the other partner any right to damage the property, let alone to throw it out. Anyone who suffering from such threats has legal recourse. When the court grants a divorce, property will be divided equitably (not always equally) between the two spouses.

Community Property vs. Equitable Distribution States

Of course, there are other aspects to consider such as whether you are in a community property law-practicing state like California or other states that use the equitable distribution principle. In most U.S. states, judges must divide a couple’s assets and earnings accumulated during marriage equitably (fairly)—but not necessarily equally—when they divorce.

Property Division Type How Assets Are Divided Key Considerations
Community Property States Community property states will divide the assets to roughly equal States like California ensure assets are divided equally
Equitable Distribution States Other states that use equitable distribution will look at what each spouse makes, who will keep the children, and other factors to divide the assets States that use the equitable distribution principle look at who will have the full custody of the children, the income of each partner, the duration of the marriage, and other factors before the assets are divided

These factors could determine how much you end up getting should your future ex decide to do something as foolish as throwing away your belongings. You need to talk to your lawyer to get a little more information regarding how these assets might be split up and to get a better idea of what your ex-to-be might end up owing if he decides to dispose of your personal property.

Marital Property Rights Before Divorce Finalization

Another important aspect to consider is that your home is still marital property before the divorce is finalized. There is no reason why you cannot simply go home and retrieve your property before your partner tries to throw your things away.

Safety Considerations When Retrieving Property

Clearly, it would be wise to go collect your items with someone you trust if you and your husband are not on good terms.

  • Be sure to talk to your lawyer before making this move to avoid any issues
  • Yes, an item may be yours, but a judge might rule a particular item as something that belongs to both of you
  • This is why it is important to talk to a lawyer to make sure everything is clear

An experienced lawyer will likely tell you that you should let your soon-to-be ex know that he or she might end up being liable for any loss that you suffer. This deed could also be used against him during the inevitable divorce trial.

Be sure that you understand that leaving the property is not the best move unless you are being violently harassed. Leaving the property leaves you vulnerable to these types of situations among many others. For one, it will look bad on your part if you left without your children, especially if you are seeking custody. Exiting the property will also put unnecessary strain on your finances when you need to be a little more frugal until the divorce is finalized.

Temporary Restraining Orders and Property Protection

A temporary restraining order (TRO) is a court order that’s aimed at preventing someone from taking particular actions—but only for a certain amount of time. During divorce proceedings, these orders can specifically protect your property from being disposed of or destroyed.

Automatic Temporary Restraining Orders (ATROs)

A TRO can include orders necessary to protect your property, your safety, or the safety of the children until a temporary orders hearing can be held. In some states like California, an automatic temporary restraining order goes into place once one party files for divorce.

These ATROs typically prohibit:

  • Removing children from the state
  • Transferring, hiding or selling property
  • Changes to insurance or retirement accounts
  • Using community property as collateral for a loan
  • Transferring money to a personal bank account from the marital account

A separation and divorce can be very hard on all concerned. Both parties may have many problems related to the resolution of the divorce. In some cases, the divorce can turn highly acrimonious. Each spouse can feel angry, frustrated and perhaps even in a vindictive mode.

In such cases, one partner may look to do all they can punish the other partner. They may look for ways to make life harder for the other member of the partnership. One area that frequently sees a lot of conflict in the event of a divorce where such feelings are present is that of any kind of material possessions.

Common Threats During Contentious Divorces

A spouse may make all sorts of threats to the other’s property, especially if that property is kept at the other spouse’s current home. One member of the marriage may even tell the other they are going to throw out items of value to the other person. The possibility of this happening can be feel very intimidating and even scary. It is crucial to remember that there are laws that govern property during the separation and divorce process.

Documenting Your Personal Property

The first thing that should be done is take an inventory of all such items.

Steps to Protect Your Belongings

  • For example, if the partner is threatening to throw away the spouse’s collection of shoes, now is the time to make a detailed list of the shoes and where they are kept
  • It’s a good idea to take photographs from several different angles
  • The spouse does not have the right to throw them out nor do they have the right to damage such things
  • They cannot take the person’s cherished cashmere sweaters and scarves and dip them in bleach or run them through the wash when it clearly indicates that hand washing is the best option

There are legal ways that the spouse can throw away the person’s stuff. They can choose to indicate they are going to throw them out and then present the other person for a deadline to remove such items. However, this process will generally require the person to document all items that are being thrown out before doing so.

It also typically requires the spouse to allow the partner enough time to remove such items in an orderly fashion. A spouse must provide the partner with enough time to get their stuff before they do anything else. Most courts agree that a month or two is sufficient time and that such requests must made in writing with an indication of a specific deadline. The spouse does not have the right to just toss items carelessly out a window.

Accessing Your Belongings Safely

If one spouse is no longer sharing living space with another person and that person is making such threats, it’s best to set up a specific date and time to get access to the person’s items. Such threats may be part of a larger problem and may even involve problems such as possible physical and emotions threats.

In that case, it is best to communicate to the spouse in advance via legal means such as speaking with their attorney. The attorney can let them know the spouse is planning to visit the home and get their personal items away safely.

Understanding Property Ownership During Divorce

Keep in mind that what is considers yours may depend on several factors. If it is yours alone such as by inheritance then you have the unqualified right to remove it. A judge may rule that an item belongs to you jointly. In that case, if the spouse concedes it is yours, you can get it.

It’s best to go the place with another person if possible. A lawyer is ideal. If not, then bring along a friend who is familiar to the spouse and likely to be seen as non-threatening. If the spouse has changed the locks or will not let you in, this should be noted as soon as possible. A spouse who damages your property or does not let you retrieve it at the agreed upon time can be held liable for damages.

Here’s a great article from Steve Raiser, a Los Angeles criminal attorney. Issues involving divorce are often very complicated, especially due to anger, anxiety, and the stress involved. These mixed feelings cause hatred between two people who were once happily married. As the traditional saying, “it’s a win-win only if I win twice,” some spouses can do everything possible to revenge. Regardless of what caused the divorce, vengeance will complicate and damage the case more.

To answer your question, whether you are living in an equitable distribution state or community property, your spouse should not intimidate or threaten you that he will throw your belongings outside. Generally, it is not legally permitted to throw a partners’ property outside. Therefore, in case he goes ahead and throws your personal property outside, he should be accountable for all the losses you incur before the divorce is over. In case he also harms you as he throws your stuff outside, ensure you call the police. It is also a wise idea to consult an experienced divorce attorney in your state to represent you.

Protective Orders and Restraining Orders

Inquire from your attorney if you can get a domestic violence restraining order against your husband after he threatens you. Just because the domestic violence has occurred before the finalization of the divorce process doesn’t mean you can’t get a restraining order. A temporary restraining order (TRO) or temporary protective order (TPO) is a court order signed by a judge that requires someone to stop harming or stalking you for a certain amount of time.

In case your husband doesn’t threaten to harm you but threatens to throw out your property, it is advisable to temporarily move out of the house as soon as possible after filing for divorce. Your safety and that of your property and children should always come first.

State-Specific Property Division Laws

Some states use the equitable distribution property, while others enforce the community property law, for instance, California. Common law property is a system that most states use to determine the ownership of property, particularly in cases of divorce. However, community property states ensure that assets are divided equally.

The type of asset division in your state can in most cases determine what you will get eventually in case your spouse decides to throw your property outside. However, in such a case it is advisable to talk to an experienced divorce attorney to provide you with sound legal advice regarding how the assets can be split up, and get a better picture of what your spouse can end up with in case he decides to throw away your property.

Determining Property Classification

You should also determine whether your home is a separate or matrimonial property before the divorce process is finalized. Marital property includes all property either spouse bought during the marriage. It does not matter whose name is on the title. However, there is nothing inhibiting you from getting your personal property from your spouse before he executes his threat.

  • It is advisable that you don’t go alone when collecting your items, especially if the relationship with your husband is soar
  • Remember to inform your attorney before you proceed to go and collect your items
  • Although an item can be yours because you inherited or purchased it, a judge can rule that the same item belongs to both of you
  • That’s why you should notify your attorney to make sure that you are making an informed decision

Your divorce attorney will also recommend that you inform your spouse that he can be liable for the losses you incur. Such a notice can give you an upper hand during the divorce trial by using it against him.

The Importance of Maintaining Residence

Unless you are violently harassed, it is not advisable to leave your property behind. This is because leaving your property leaves you vulnerable to such threats among many others. Remember that it will also look bad on your part in case you decide to leave your property and children and you still want to seek custody over them. Leaving your property behind will also strain you financially while you need to maintain a frugal lifestyle until the divorce process is finalized.

Critical Steps to Protect Your Property Rights

Hopefully, you had a talk with your lawyer before you moved out, but if you did not, at least start to talk to one before you deal with the possibility of your ex throwing away your stuff.

It is necessary to talk to your attorney before you decide to move out. In case you didn’t, talk to one as soon as possible before you respond to your husbands’ threat of throwing your property outside.

If your spouse has already disposed of your belongings, you have several legal options:

  • File a Motion for Contempt: If a court order was violated
  • Seek Reimbursement: Through property division proceedings
  • Document Losses: Compile a detailed list of disposed items with their value
  • File a Civil Lawsuit: For conversion or trespass to chattels

Protections include a “stay” or postponement of a civil court or administrative proceeding if the service member proves they are unable to attend because of duty. This is particularly relevant for military families going through divorce.

Remember, the division of property is a complex legal matter that requires professional guidance to ensure your rights are protected throughout the divorce process.

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