There is no reason for you to put up with threats and abuse. The relationship with your former partner is over, but he does not seem to understand that. The many attempts that he has made to coerce and threaten his way back into your life have not worked. Matters have now escalated, and the physical abuse that you have suffered and your children have witnessed has made you fear for your life. It is time to get serious about protecting yourself from an abusive ex. The best means of doing so is to obtain a protection order from the courts.

You should first hire an attorney to assist you in this matter. Getting results that are effective, that is, actually keep your former partner at bay, is not always easy. It might be an instance in which it is your word against his. He may verbally threaten you and physically assault you in a way that does not leave marks. Or it his violence does leave marks you may not be able to prove that he is the culprit. Your attorney can advise you on specific measures you can take to link the abuse you are suffering to your ex-partner.

The last thing you should do is fall into a depressive mood thinking it is your fault. You and your ex may have gone through a bitter divorce or you may be legally separated because of the many problems that you had living together. It is unfortunately the case that many men respond to such action with violence rather than calm and decency. You may be distraught; you may feel a wave of different and sometimes contradictory emotions flowing through you, especially if you have children with the person who is abusing you.

However, you cannot allow such emotions to paralyze you; you cannot allow yourself to be knocked around and verbally assaulted. Doing so will only encourage further violence. The abuser will feel as though he has leave to go on hurting you. It is important to take decisive measures to keep him away from you and your home—for the sake of both yourself and your children. You don’t want them to grow up in an environment like that. As you well know, children are impressionable. They tend to mimic the behavior they see in their parents. If they witness you being abused by your ex and no attempt on your part to respond, to fight back, then they may grow up thinking that is the norm, and, the boys especially, become abusers themselves.

Your children deserve every chance in life. They deserve to grow up in a safe, stable, nurturing environment. They will not get this if you are the target of constant violence by their father or by another man that you had a relationship.

There are different kinds of protection orders. The court may simply warn the abuser not to strike you again. This rarely works. A stronger course is to instruct the abuser to stay away from your home and place of work. Working with a lawyer who is specialized in these kinds of cases will help you get the latter form of protection order. They will know the kind of evidence to present and arguments to make to convince the court that you and your children need firm protection against a violent person.

You should not live in fear and trepidation. Getting a protection order will help you attain some measure of safety.